This is a letter from my brother (who I’m still waiting to meet in person) exactly as he writes to me (I alter a couple of expletives). It will re-ground your priorities in life.
“For those of you who don’t know what living this way is like; but especially for those who do.”
Hey there Sister Bear! How the heck are ya? Good knocking on great I hope. Me, I’m homesick as a P.O.W.! It’s raining out so I’m locked in this filthy over-crowded prison the rest of the day and it looks like tomorrow too 😦 What makes it even worse is that it’s that cool summer rain. The kind that feels good, you know? I’ve been locked up since August 5th of last year. I haven’t seen the moon or felt the rain in a long time. I know it sounds like nothing to you. But it’s just concrete and steel and loud obnoxious [idiots] and [jerks] everywhere. I’m a country boy. A quiet guy. I like the moon. I can appreciate a rainy day. I suppose I’m sounding a bit whiny, aren’t I? Well that’s why I’m here, right? It’s not just time they take from you. It’s EVERYTHING! The mundane things that you don’t even realize you need until it’s no longer there. What do I miss the most?
I brought home a sofa that I found on the side of the road one time and put it on my front porch. Em was pissed.She said it made us look like white trash.
I said, “Baby, we live in a trailer on a dirt road. We ARE white-trash!” 🙂 Anyway, we laid a blanket over it and in the evening we would go out there and sit on that old couch with a cup of coffee and cuddle while we watched the sun set over the soybean field across the road. Those are the moments in my life that made me happy. I have fantasies of winning the lottery but once you get past the house and car, all I really want is to cuddle on the couch with a sweet girl and watch the sun set. Sappy huh! Like I said, it’s a rainy day and I’m homesick. But I promise you this. I will NEVER EVER commit another felony in my life! No amount of money is worth this. I would rather starve to death in a ditch than spend one day in here. I know I’m complaining. I know I’m only getting what I deserve. But these are my thoughts and feelings. That’s what pen-pals are for right?
Doors Open! 5 minutes later… They let us outside for 5 exhilarating minutes! @#$%! That’s just messing with my emotions, damn it!
MAIL CALL! DALE T..$#^$%^..T! SCORE!
My sister loves me! 🙂 Thank you S.B. I needed that today. And there was a bonus inside. Seems as though you are figuring my mother out all on your own. I want to tell you how she really is but a guy who speaks ill of his mother…
You’re right though, Kayla. She’s f@#$ing crazy! She may be telling you how much she loved our Dad but I can’t remember her ever using a kind word to describe him. That is of course unless you count her going on about that great big [edit expletive] of his. That’s what she was in love with. She’s a crazy slut with about as much class as Courtney Love. She’s sneaky and spiteful and mean.
I know she wants you to tell her about me and I’m super impressed with your ability to read that. Don’t tell her shit. If she hadn’t pulled that sneaky trick on me, I would be home right now! She added 14 months to my sentence! Did I mention that I COULD BE HOME RIGHT NOW!?!?!
OK, Sorry. I’m working on my “Mommy” issues.But try to understand my frustration. I did this. I can accept responsibility for it. But I didn’t get caught. My ex-girlfriend told on me. I was betrayed by a woman that I LOVED. When I finally get a chance to make parole, once again, I am betrayed by my own mother and as far as I can tell; just because it felt good to make me suffer. What I did was illegal. What they did was evil. If I have to spend 2 years in prison for stealing some tools and a stereo then they should be executed for treason! I’m ranting again, aren’t I? Sorry! I’m going to take a break and go bum a smoke. Count time! Can’t leave my bunk! I’m going to have to start creating expletives. I know you are a Christian, and sometimes I am too, but today is not a Christian day for me. Today is a homesick, pissed off, I’m not supposed to be here day!
I’m baaaaaaaack! AHHHH… Nicotine truly is a wonder drug. Sometimes I worry about my rantings and somewhat liberal use of the four letter vernacular. Without the convenience of an actual conversation you can’t hear my tone, cadence, or inflection. Just printed words that may or may not convey the intended sentiment. Ah, you get the point don’t you? I’m pissed off and I don’t want to be here. Too bad, so sad. Put your big boy pants on and deal with it. I am dealing with it. I’m just not happy about it! I wish I had something positive to send you. Something to make you smile. It is very comforting to feel loved. Without it one begins to question the value of life. I need you Kayla. You keep me grounded and help guide me. Like a Morning Star! Thank you. I love you.
Last page! (I think)
OK. So you’ve asked before what you can send me. Truth is, nothing really. But we have a catalog that I can’t afford to send you. So if you go to WWW.ALINMATEPACKAGE.COM you can see what’s available on-line. Obviously security is an issue here so sending snacks from home is out of the question. But if you get a chance to order something I love those Keebler fudge stripe cookies and of course COFFEE! But they feed me three times a day here so I’m not starving. I’m lucky just to be getting mail. Some guys, hell most of these guys, have nobody. So I feel pretty fortunate to have you. Plus, your interesting! You’re intelligent but a little flighty at the same time. You haven’t been subjugated by mainstream society. Your thoughts are your own. You’re not just regurgitating Ted Koppel and Oprah Winfrey.
B.T.W. Please don’t quit college! You will hate yourself forever if you do. Your family will all benefit from it in the future. I’m not knocking Sean. A man that takes on a woman with kids is being generous with his time and money. That being said; anyone can get a job. A college degree has to be earned. That is something no one will ever be able to take away from you. Following that is an actual career. I doubt he will be calling you an idiot when you’re bringing home 50 or 60 grand a year. This is your chance to elevate. Not just you but your household. That’s a big deal Kayla! Don’t quit! Stand your ground. Queen Kayla! RRRAAAAAAH!! You’re a bad-ass! I love you 🙂 So long Sweetie! You cheered me up tonight and I needed that so Thank You!
p.s. Please send stamps!